Island of Broken Toys

As of a late I read the news headlines with a preconstructed wince. It seems that humans as a species are coming to some sort of explosive crisis. Hate, Impatience, refusal to see the other side, over generalization, selfish demand and just general down right assholery leads the themes. No this kind of behavior is not new, historically as a species we are violent and have a problem seeing the long game. However, as of late its worse. Darker. More appalling. 

               I am in grad school working on my masters in counseling. (Yeah they let weridos like me in) and prior to that I spent 15 years in the emergency medicine field. One residual theme in EVERY patient with a mental health crisis was that they had no positive support in their life. At some point these people were voted off society’s island and cast adrift until they landed in the island of broken toys. And broken toys they were. Cast offs of genetic psychiatric problems, abuse, rape, addiction, hate and dysfunction. For whatever reason these people had more than their share of trouble in their lives and during that trouble the people in their life’s bailed. Sometimes for legit reasons but most often because selfishness and anger ruled the day. Underneath every addict, every patient in the middle of a crisis, every angry individual was a common denominator of fear and abandonment. 

Every. Damn. One. 

               The counseling profession identified this fatal flaw in society a long time ago. Yep. You read that right; it is a documented and studied phenomenon that society causes a lot of mental health issues. Ta da! Most theoretical approaches in counseling hold a common theme. The patient is treated with positive accepting regard. The patient is made to feel safe and supported. The patient is helped to strengthen their inner self while evaluating the outside for dysfunction. The patient is listened to and their voice and experience is important.

This.

 This heals people, helps them find sobriety, recover from PTSD, Traumas and yes in many genetic psychiatric problems like borderline personality disorder allows them to be in control of their lives. This simple approach saves lives. A lot of lives. Let that sink in for a minute. The ever increasing problems with mental health patients in crisis, the violence, the escalating drug abuse, the increasing demand for psychiatric medications.. All a product of us. Not republicans or democrats, black or white, men or women. All of us.  We are doing this to each other and ourselves. 

Holy shit, right?

               I am not saying that you as an individual are causing mass shootings. Don’t take it that far. Society’s behavior and interactions are made acceptable but society. In short, we decided what is acceptable in regards to interaction with each other. If short lived support, rejection and selfishness rule the day then that’s what’s societal norm is. What to change it? Start with you. Start with you children. Start with strangers on the street. If you see someone struggling, stranger or no, help. This doesn’t mean open your wallet. It means listen. It means validate their experience and empathize. It means let someone else know that they are not invisible, they are important because they are part of your society. No this won’t save everyone. Some people make a decision to stay on the island but it will help 95% of the rest.  

               I have watched and read a lot of comments on the mass shootings and other local acts of violence. There is a lot of anger and fear and those things isolate us further. It’s a slippery slope more anger and more fear lead to more isolation and soon we are all just Donald Trump. 

So stop. 

Stop seeing people as groups. Start seeing them as other humans. Put down your phone. Offer a hand, a shoulder, support, even a joke. Make eye contact. Smile. Hold doors for others. Don’t be a dick. Try to see things from the others side. If you don’t know… ask. Be curious. Find common ground. You know.. All of the qualities that helped our species evolve for thousands of years. 

Be Human.