Gone But Not Forgotten: MSG, The Running Man, And All The Other Lost Unicorns Of Childhood

Pump up your Air Jordan’s and bust out the Jolt cola, we are about to take a stroll down memory lane to things from your childhood that are now unicorns in your memory

 

Passing Notes in School

Remember the thrill of passing notes in class? Notes to your best friend, to your crush, just stupidly asking when things were due because it meant you got to pass a note. Yeah.. gone. 

Texting ruined that rebellion.

Do you like Sara? circle one...

Awkward Straight-arm Slow Dancing at School Dances

Doesn’t anyone slow dance anymore? Feet shuffling side to side arms locked at the elbows, eyes darting to and away from your partner’s face as you slowly spin to some 80’s rock ballad..

He is so excited he touched her WAIST!!!

MSG in Spaghetti-O's

Admit it. As an adult you returned to the source and had spaghetti-o’s...and it sucked. 

In the late 80’s early 90’s they changed the recipe to get rid of MSG and the whole product was never the same. Apparently a bunch of kids were having allergic reactions to MSG. 

Yeah.. MSG is Gluten’s older brother.

I mourn for you MSG Spaghetti-o’s

 The Phrase "Don't Drink the Kool-Aid"

I have used this phrase a lot through life. It means don’t join in on cultish, mindless thinking and be your own person. Recently when I say this it is met with blank stares and confusion because Kool-Aid is delicious. No.. I mean the poisoned Kool-Aid.. Jonestown; the cult and mass suicide.. they all drank the Kool-Aid because they were brain washed and (most) died.

*siiiigh* Just… wiki it.

“Macguyvering”

Again I will get a blank stare at this turn of phrase. Someone thought I was referencing Scottish tenacity.. *facepalm*

I am going to duct tape the shit out of this generation

Awkward Puberty

This used to be an awkward phase for all people. Even the perfect kids would get a pimple or need braces and we were all reassured by their humanity.

Not any damn more.

Invisiline, proactive, spray on makeup, extensions, fake eyelashes and implants.

 No one is awkward anymore

Le Sigh

 

The Innocence of Pudding Pops

Fuck you Cosby.

Those things were delicious. Now all I think of when I see them are date rapey creepers in weird sweaters.

Mixed Tapes

These used to be awesome. Someone would make you a mixed tape and every song was a declaration of their feelings for you. Seriously. Why did that have to go?!?

Oh yeah... technology. 

The game just gets lazier.

Candy Cigarettes

Creepy but they were yummy. I told my 9 year old son about them recently and he looked at me like I was crazy and said mom, why in the heck would a kid want cigarettes even if they were candy!? Good point.

 *looking at my mom*

Cancer fun for EVERYONE!!

Dances Like the Cabbage Patch and Running Man

Not twerking.. not simulated sex but flopping your limbs around while running in place on the dance floor like it’s an aerobics class. That was awesome. It was two parts self-mockery and one part skill. Not one part ass, one part stripper and one part pelvic thrusting. Our pride was in either getting a laugh or accomplishing a dance move like MC hammer. Not how much of an erection we could give our dance partners.

We ALL did that face too..

Saturday Morning Cartoons are GONE

Seriously... Take a moment with the reality of that fact. 

What kind of shit is that? That was one of the best parts of childhood!Waking up at the ass crack of dawn on a Saturday, running down stairs to claim the TV from my three other siblings.  Nabbing a miniature sized box of sugar cereal on the way down to eat dry in front of the TV while watching gummi bears and pee-wees playhouse. That was awesome.The fact that you had ONE shot at watching them made it all the more delightful.

Yeah... This whole post was built around this one picture.  I PITY THE FOOL!