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| Full disclosure, today I am in a damn mood. So buckle up and enjoy the hot mess |
As of late
the idea of being a single woman of a certain age-- who am I kidding! Of near-bulls-eye middle-age (at a few months shy of 38 years old) the idea of re-entering the
dating scene again is grim. My unique history with d-bags of the male
persuasion aside, the entire dating arena for several reasons looks as appetizing
as Donald trump in a thong.
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| You KNOW there is an epic comb over down there too |
Maybe it’s the inundation of
technology into dating that has caused people to become petulant cartoons of
their real selves but this is a trend I have noticed. As a result I avoid technology in dating
now at all costs. I would much rather meet someone in person and ACTUALLY talk
to them while we are at our normal selves than use a remote sense of security
to build ourselves up into impossible caricatures that are impossible to maintain.
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| No one posts sloppy, mid blink pictures on profiles |
I can’t quite put a finger on it (phrasing!) but it seems
like dating recently has become a desperate gladiator-like interaction that is
hypersexualized and generally views the person on the other side of the screen
as disposable and not human. Maybe the online dating, texting, tinder, grindr,
and emailing has distanced us to what it is like to talk and listen to another
human in a present and respectful manner. Perhaps the remoteness of the connection
gets in the way of seeing the person you interact with as real. It is entirely
possible that the distancing that technology introduces is hard to overcome and
this continues on into the relationship making people brittle and cold in their
dealings with each other.
HOWEVER
Some people out there use this as an
excuse to let their fuckwit flag fly. So here are some basic tips when
interacting with other humans.
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| Seriously the internet has EVERYTHING! |
1. Jail is often a deal breaker, as are
restraining orders and pending assault cases. Don’t lie about them and don’t be an asshole when someone
politely declines. Maybe take it as a cue to fucking work on yourself.
2. No one ever said please please
bombard me with sexualized compliments of how you want to violate me then call
me a bitch when I react as a human. Seriously, no one has said that... not even
a kardashian.
3. Please refrain from talking about how
hot your brother/sister is
4. It is not acceptable in the first
five minutes of chatting to ask if I like anal. (seriously.)
5. No one wants to hear about how you
sometimes fantasize about murdering people.
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| Gooooood Axe. |
6. No it is not ok to send a stranger a
dick pic. Dicks are not pretty. They can be fun but the substantial lack of oil
paintings of dicks should be a clue that no one really thinks they are pretty.
7. Comments like “I showered for you
before this date” are fucking alarming.
8. No 1 wnts 2 rd ths knd of sht. If Stephen
Hawking with his eyeballs can type complete and lucid sentences you all have no
excuse.
9. If you actually make it to an in person
meeting don’t eye bang the server, bartender, my chest, that chick over there’s
ass, and anyone else with a pulse that wanders by.
10. Remember that the person you are
interacting with is another human being with their own insecurities and
feelings. They have value and deserve to be treated with respect. Not as a
diversion, source of amusement, a bolster for your ego or a hole you can use. It
costs nothing to be kind and you can gain everything by being open to hearing
someone else’s voice. Unless they are
pulling the shit listed above... then you collect all the fuckery into a pile
of hot mess and make a blog about it.
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| who could say no to HER!? |
