Sex, dating and fuckery

Full disclosure, today I am in a damn mood. So buckle up and enjoy the hot mess

    As of late the idea of being a single woman of a certain age-- who am I kidding! Of near-bulls-eye middle-age (at a few months shy of 38 years old) the idea of re-entering the dating scene again is grim. My unique history with d-bags of the male persuasion aside, the entire dating arena for several reasons looks as appetizing as Donald trump in a thong.

You KNOW there is an epic comb over down there too

            Maybe it’s the inundation of technology into dating that has caused people to become petulant cartoons of their real selves but this is a trend I have noticed. As a result I avoid technology in dating now at all costs. I would much rather meet someone in person and ACTUALLY talk to them while we are at our normal selves than use a remote sense of security to build ourselves up into impossible caricatures that are impossible to maintain.

No one posts sloppy, mid blink pictures on profiles

 

I can’t quite put a finger on it (phrasing!) but it seems like dating recently has become a desperate gladiator-like interaction that is hypersexualized and generally views the person on the other side of the screen as disposable and not human. Maybe the online dating, texting, tinder, grindr, and emailing has distanced us to what it is like to talk and listen to another human in a present and respectful manner. Perhaps the remoteness of the connection gets in the way of seeing the person you interact with as real. It is entirely possible that the distancing that technology introduces is hard to overcome and this continues on into the relationship making people brittle and cold in their dealings with each other.

 HOWEVER 

Some people out there use this as an excuse to let their fuckwit flag fly. So here are some basic tips when interacting with other humans. 

Seriously the internet has EVERYTHING!

1.     Jail is often a deal breaker, as are restraining orders and pending assault cases. Don’t lie about them and don’t be an asshole when someone politely declines. Maybe take it as a cue to fucking work on yourself.

2.     No one ever said please please bombard me with sexualized compliments of how you want to violate me then call me a bitch when I react as a human. Seriously, no one has said that... not even a kardashian.

3.     Please refrain from talking about how hot your brother/sister is

4.     It is not acceptable in the first five minutes of chatting to ask if I like anal. (seriously.)

5.     No one wants to hear about how you sometimes fantasize about murdering people. 

Gooooood Axe.

6.     No it is not ok to send a stranger a dick pic. Dicks are not pretty. They can be fun but the substantial lack of oil paintings of dicks should be a clue that no one really thinks they are pretty. 

7.     Comments like “I showered for you before this date” are fucking alarming.

8.     No 1 wnts 2 rd ths knd of sht. If Stephen Hawking with his eyeballs can type complete and lucid sentences you all have no excuse.

9.     If you actually make it to an in person meeting don’t eye bang the server, bartender, my chest, that chick over there’s ass, and anyone else with a pulse that wanders by. 

10.  Remember that the person you are interacting with is another human being with their own insecurities and feelings. They have value and deserve to be treated with respect. Not as a diversion, source of amusement, a bolster for your ego or a hole you can use. It costs nothing to be kind and you can gain everything by being open to hearing someone else’s voice.  Unless they are pulling the shit listed above... then you collect all the fuckery into a pile of hot mess and make a blog about it.

who could say no to HER!?