The Practice of Silence

The Practice of Silence

    So those of you who know me know that I am a chatty person. I enjoy debates and discussions. I love making people laugh. I also often get caught up in my own head and can be mentally absent for solid periods of time while I sort things out. My kid is pretty much the same. 

               So yesterday he came home from school seemingly ok. Soon I started to notice a pattern. Whenever there wasn’t discussion he was singing or making repetitive noises filling up any and all spaces and silences. 

               Now for me this is a red flag, with my kiddo or other adults. I equate the constant noise with the avoidance of thought.  As in, if he keeps his mind busy with singing or sound effects he won’t engage what’s bothering him on a subconscious level. I let it spool out thinking it was best to let him bring it out on his own time. Eventually the endless stream of distracting noise became louder and too much to manage so I sat him down. When asked what was bothering him he responded with an irritated “I don’t KNOW” More irritation that he couldn’t figure it out on his own than me asking him. So we sat shoulder to shoulder backs against the wall and closed our eyes. 

“Complete silence, eyes closed” I told him. 

And so we sat. 

               He fidgeted for a few minutes. Adjusted his position. Tried to ask a few questions only to be gently brought back to silence and stillness. Eventually he stilled. His shoulders began to unspool. He took a deep breath. Then another. The silence became a stillness. It became calm. Just the peace of being in another person’s presence without noise or distractions. 

“Mama? I hear it now.” He said eyes still closed shoulders against the wall legs sprawled out in front of him.  And so we talked. He was having an issue in math class and his dad had caused some problems. The teacher hadn’t addressed them with him and he felt them looming bigger each day. They came out in anxiety but an undefined one because his persistence at drowning them out in sound and noise. So there we sat eyes closed shoulder to shoulder backs leaning against the wall legs sprawled out in a tangle and talked. He found it easier to access the words and feelings this way. Soon his little hand crept into mine and he squeezed. He asked to stay like this for just a little while longer. So we did. 

               I think Silence is a lost art and one that needs practice to maintain. Older generations had this down like a god damn boss. They still do. But now, I think we are so prone to fill the moments with noise, expectation and distraction we forget just how healing silence can be. I have seen people crank the volume on the TV up to MAKE themselves pay attention to a crap show just to avoid the option of sitting with their own thoughts. Sit someone down and make them wait for a few minutes and out comes the phone, ipad, kindle, and book. I am just as guilty of this as anyone. The end result is less awareness of our surroundings. Less connection to ourselves, each other and our world. It causes a disconnect in ourselves. I have found that if I sit somewhere without fiddling with my phone, kindle, etc. I meet people. I talk to people. I notice more. Think more deeply. Find more humor in the world. I also notice its fucking hard to do. It feels like being vulnerable. Like I should be busy with something or I stand out. Which is such an odd thing. Why do we need to make excuses for being present? Oh... I came early to class so… I... could... Umm... Send some emails from my phone. See! I am important! Naaahh... I came to class early so I could chill. We use distractions the way some people use doors. Its isolating and completely your own choice to close the door or open it. 

               My generation was raised with the Carpe Diem mentality and over time that mentality has shifted to seize every fucking moment and OWN that motherfucker until it’s a desiccated husk of time. This wasn’t the original intent. Seizing the moment is about living in that moment. Being present. Opening yourself up to the experience.  Not cheapening the experience with distractions and mind numbing noise. Listening to your beautiful mind, letting your heart feel, your soul experience and your body sense. 

Breathe. Enjoy. Shhhhhh. 

                                          

Life isn’t that scary that you need to hide from it.