Free Therapy

Ten ways to screw with stalkers

      



    Houdini

Pick an activity your stalker enjoys watching you do. Monitor stalker and when attention is diverted (periodic neighbor/police checks) swap places with your stand in. Its best to pick the antithesis of you. ie if you are smaller and female, choose one of your hairy giant trucker like friends to stand in and blow your stalker kisses. 

  

 Delivery blitz

While at leisure note your stalkers location and order them pizza, singing telegrams, strippers, and maybe even flowers. Note any relocation after previous deliveries.

  Target practice

Here is the perfect excuse to hone your ninja skills. Use your stalker for target practice! Water balloons, Nerf guns, small caliber weapons, or anvils. Double points for ACME-esque bulls eyes

Bring your stalker to all of those events you dread.

Have a Jehovah witness reunion to go to? Tag your stalker in! Aggression therapy? Built in volunteer. Be creative and enjoy the show. 

Match a stalker

Maybe your stalker is lonely. Find the most oblivious person in the bar and start sending them drinks and messages from your stalker. Work in that your stalker is shy and really likes to take a passive role in hook ups.

      Binocular wars

Maybe your stalker doesn’t have the best vision and needs to employ some help with binoculars. Find the strongest laser pointer you can and pop up blinding your stalker. Think of it as laser tag for your eyes. Double points if permanent vision damage is done

Hide and go seek

Take off on a nice stroll in the woods. You know how stalkers like solitude with you. Once you are just out of sight on the trail dash off and hide. When you spot your stalker take out your paint ball gun with paint balls you have injected with mace and fire away. One kill shot per ambush. Double points if you make them cry.

   Art

Find a location in clear view of your stalker. Set up chair and take out sketch book. Periodically re position your stalker for better artistic renderings. When art work is done post in prominent window for one week.

 Traps

Ever wonder if you could build a trap like the gang on Scooby doo? Build in test dummy!! 

        Weekend at Bernie's

Start by shooting your stalker… with a strong sedative. (Jesus.. Dark places, people!) While your stalker is knocked out take them on a wild adventure. Dress them up in costumes, take lots of pictures, have small surgeries performed and don’t forget the tattoos! Make sure they wake up in the exact place you tagged them with a nicely made photo album.