Spiritual Mojo

        Those of you who know me in real life (holla!) know that. I am not a huge fan of organized religion and have built my own form of spirituality which resonates with me. 

 

I am someone who believes in the things that fall under the banner of Karma/fate/magic/coincidence. Not pull a hat out of your rabbit (or however that trick goes) but more in a series of random things lining up to offer something wonderful for others. I am someone who pays attention to the small things in life and have found that they often indicate coming events. 

       Having said all that I do believe in a higher power. Be it the Universe, a deity or karmic cycles it is something I feel and feel it plays a role in our lives. It is something that I have experienced firsthand in life and seen in my years as a medic, in death. 

 I believe in intuition and listening to the little hairs on the back of my neck. I listen when that space between my shoulder blades suddenly gets tight or the back on my mind feels heavy. I believe that coincidence is a nudge from the Universe. I believe that there are people in our lives that are meant to have import and that we will meet them no matter which path we take.  

That being said as of late I have lost my spiritual mojo.

 In the last year been dealing with serious illness and working to repair the damage done by stalkers and my ex.  I don’t know if the combination of that amount of ugly I have processed in the last year that has knocked my faith for a loop or if I have distanced myself from it for some other yet unknown reason. Whatever the answer I am struggling to reconnect with it. I still believe in what I believe but it feels as if I am standing outside looking in. More distance, less feels.  There is a disconnect which for me is alarming as I can’t readily recall ever having this before. I feel that spirituality, no matter how you define yours personally, deepens the meaning and experiences in our lives. As of late mine has been kinda flat in that department. So how do I re-whimsy my life? 

Maybe I am taking myself too seriously. Maybe I just need to embrace my inner idiot. Maybe I need to hang out with small children more. Maybe the previous levels of whimsy in my life are no longer enough. Maybe I need to remind myself daily that 37 is too young to close up shop and join the grey beards. I honestly don’t have an answer this time.. What do you do to get your spiritual mojos back in line? 

Sex, dating and fuckery

Full disclosure, today I am in a damn mood. So buckle up and enjoy the hot mess

    As of late the idea of being a single woman of a certain age-- who am I kidding! Of near-bulls-eye middle-age (at a few months shy of 38 years old) the idea of re-entering the dating scene again is grim. My unique history with d-bags of the male persuasion aside, the entire dating arena for several reasons looks as appetizing as Donald trump in a thong.

You KNOW there is an epic comb over down there too

            Maybe it’s the inundation of technology into dating that has caused people to become petulant cartoons of their real selves but this is a trend I have noticed. As a result I avoid technology in dating now at all costs. I would much rather meet someone in person and ACTUALLY talk to them while we are at our normal selves than use a remote sense of security to build ourselves up into impossible caricatures that are impossible to maintain.

No one posts sloppy, mid blink pictures on profiles

 

I can’t quite put a finger on it (phrasing!) but it seems like dating recently has become a desperate gladiator-like interaction that is hypersexualized and generally views the person on the other side of the screen as disposable and not human. Maybe the online dating, texting, tinder, grindr, and emailing has distanced us to what it is like to talk and listen to another human in a present and respectful manner. Perhaps the remoteness of the connection gets in the way of seeing the person you interact with as real. It is entirely possible that the distancing that technology introduces is hard to overcome and this continues on into the relationship making people brittle and cold in their dealings with each other.

 HOWEVER 

Some people out there use this as an excuse to let their fuckwit flag fly. So here are some basic tips when interacting with other humans. 

Seriously the internet has EVERYTHING!

1.     Jail is often a deal breaker, as are restraining orders and pending assault cases. Don’t lie about them and don’t be an asshole when someone politely declines. Maybe take it as a cue to fucking work on yourself.

2.     No one ever said please please bombard me with sexualized compliments of how you want to violate me then call me a bitch when I react as a human. Seriously, no one has said that... not even a kardashian.

3.     Please refrain from talking about how hot your brother/sister is

4.     It is not acceptable in the first five minutes of chatting to ask if I like anal. (seriously.)

5.     No one wants to hear about how you sometimes fantasize about murdering people. 

Gooooood Axe.

6.     No it is not ok to send a stranger a dick pic. Dicks are not pretty. They can be fun but the substantial lack of oil paintings of dicks should be a clue that no one really thinks they are pretty. 

7.     Comments like “I showered for you before this date” are fucking alarming.

8.     No 1 wnts 2 rd ths knd of sht. If Stephen Hawking with his eyeballs can type complete and lucid sentences you all have no excuse.

9.     If you actually make it to an in person meeting don’t eye bang the server, bartender, my chest, that chick over there’s ass, and anyone else with a pulse that wanders by. 

10.  Remember that the person you are interacting with is another human being with their own insecurities and feelings. They have value and deserve to be treated with respect. Not as a diversion, source of amusement, a bolster for your ego or a hole you can use. It costs nothing to be kind and you can gain everything by being open to hearing someone else’s voice.  Unless they are pulling the shit listed above... then you collect all the fuckery into a pile of hot mess and make a blog about it.

who could say no to HER!?

Return of the Blogger

A long time ago (nearly 2 years) in a land far far away (Minnesoooota) a sarcastic blogger heartlessly abandoned their blog in the wake of ever expanding chaos and let’s be honest unresolved PTSD and a fair level of anxiety with a side of situational depression. Stalkers, exes and pink slips Oh My! The culmination drove this blogger to wrap herself up in a cocoon of armor and hide hide hide.  That included hiding from the sarcastic creative side that created this blog. Suddenly life wasn’t amusing and sometimes messy. It was downright terrifying and in short even the sarcastic idiots of the blogging world can only take so much. 

For me, writing is not just ABC’s insert sarcasm blah blah blah. What you read from me is my complete inner monologue. I write in a brash often overly honest way as if I am writing to a friend. I don’t believe in editing and toning a piece as that seems like lying. So I put it all out there for better or worse. Before I rounded up my demons accessing that vulnerability and honesty was much like trying to hold a glass under Niagara Falls to get a drink. Overwhelming, a little scary, filled with lots of swearing and with high potential of a broken hand. After working on hunting down my demons like a kardashian for the paparazzi I slowly found that the process of writing became less threatening. I started to find humor in even the darkest things. I slowly have started peeling back my armored cocoon and have decided it is time to start blogging again. Because, you know, there is a serious lack of blogs and bloggers in the world. 

This blog will continue much in the same way it did before… random and hopefully amusing. However, bear with me if I take serious turns, share things from grad school (yep, they let idiots like me into grad school) or just indulge in a good old fashioned rant from time to time. I have started a new journey as a caterpillar half in an iron cocoon (how’s that for an image) and am excited for the fuckery and adventure to come. 

I love the interwebs... they have memes for all my randomness.

The Legend of Zombie Boss (aka... Thanks Sony)

   

      

        A ridiculously long time ago (think 2006ish) I purchased a blue Sony Cyber Shot camera. I was on a tight budget and wanted a camera to take pictures of my new born son. 

     Sony made a Cyber Shot camera that was small, had great specs and didn’t break the bank. Since then I have used that camera for many adventures. 

      It has come hiking, rock climbing, camping, and on all sorts of adventures. It has been brought out into all kinds of environments and temperatures. It has always taken some of the sharpest well defined pictures no matter what misadventure it was brought out on. 

It captured many an amazing moment

More that once I had to scrub paint off the camera.. worth every second.

Lake antics didn't phase it

       

  I live in Minnesota and last winter in late November while playing in the snow with my son and our dogs the camera slipped from my jacket pocket somewhere into the nearly two feet of snow piled up into the yard. Once we realized the camera was gone we combed the yard in search of it to no success. 

    My awesome camera with nearly 1600 pictures still on the memory card was lost somewhere in the snow. With Christmas coming and an adorable seven year old son I wanted to make sure I could take pictures for Christmas so I splurged on my single mom budget and purchased a replacement camera.  

       

      

    

       

        Predictably I returned to Sony for another cyber Shot camera, this time a more purple blue. The new camera was not nearly as sturdy as the 2006 model but still user friendly and affordable. Being idiots who name everything we named our new camera notorious P.I.X and continued on our adventures.

            Winter finally released its grip on Minnesota in early April. The snows melted back to a mere 4 inches of crunchy ice crystals and with the melt our camera was revealed. I did an embarrassing happy dance in our front yard and quickly brought the camera in doors. 

     

    I slid it into a giant zip lock bag of rice, placed it where it would get some weak sunlight through the kitchen window and studiously but hopefully ignored it for ten days. My Hail Mary hope was that I would maybe be able to salvage the memory card and get the lost pictures off. Ten days passed and I slid the camera from its bag, took a deep breath and pressed the power button. 

             A glorious chiming sounded as the camera switched on and extended its lens with hardly a strain No Bleeping way. 

       I held the camera up and snapped a random picture of my kitchen one of my dogs caught mid ear scratch and startled by my victory cry as the picture flashed on the display. Holy hell, this camera survived six months frozen in my front yard in one of the snowiest winters I can recall since my childhood.  

  Unbelievable. 

     I quickly pulled all the pictures off the memory card just in case this miracle didn’t last and promoted our frozen camera to the title of Boss. 

       A week or so later my son and I headed out on a hike with the dogs. We planned a four mile hike with our pups and a picnic at the half way point. 

      I brought both Boss and Notorious P.I.X with so both me and my son could take pictures. At our picnic stop my son quickly finished his food and popped up to snap some pictures. He asked to use both cameras and ranged around the area experimenting with lighting and angle.

         Too soon the sun had slipped lower in the sky and it was time for us to pack it up and head back. We were half a mile from the trail head in the fuzzy light just before the sun starts setting when we realized that Boss had fell out of one of the backpack pockets somewhere between our picnic and our location.

       It was growing too dark to return and come back safely and our elderly pups were tired. I promised my worried son that I would rehike the trip tomorrow morning after he gets off to school and look for Boss. 

         The next morning I was on the trail just after the sun was up. There had been a misting rain overnight and the grass was sparking with dew. Steps hushed by the damp ground I hiked back the trail sweeping my eyes back and forth in hopes of finding the lost camera Boss. 

            I neared the picnic site with no success and was near giving up hope. Passing a lone hiker picking up debris on the trail I asked if he had seen a blue slightly beat up Sony cyber Shot camera. He shook his head and continued back out. 

     I pushed farther on the trail just in case I was misremembering our distance and soon heard the man calling for me. Turning I saw he was victoriously waving a small blue beat up camera with a giant grin. Thinking it was a piece of trash in the grass off the trail he found my camera. 

     In the middle of nowhere I bear hugged a somewhat embarrassed stranger and thanked him profusely. We hiked a short distance together and I told him how relieved my son would be as he was very worried about our camera. I told him about it having been frozen in our yard and survived. He smirked and slid a Black Sony Cyber Shot out of his fleece jacket pocket and said he had grown attached to his camera too. Our trails branched apart and I waved good bye with another round of thank yous. 

         A mile or so farther down the road I couldn’t wait. I made a decision that if Boss still worked after being frozen, thawed, rained on and left in the wild I would promote it yet again to Zombie Boss and make sure that little machine was pampered from now on. Holding my breath I pressed the power button. A glorious chiming sounded out and the lens rotated out ready for our next adventure. Yet another stupid happy dance followed by some victorious yelling may have happened and I hurried home impressed by my amazing and affordable work horse Zombie boss. 

        Since then Zombie Boss has been out hiking, played in our yard, survived my sons first slumber party of rowdy pirates and took about a thousand pictures of adventures. My son has inherited notorious P.I.X as his camera and has taken an avid shine to photography. For me, Zombie Boss is my regular partner in crime and workhorse for adventures.

Thanks Sony